Recent posts - Real Tart

Code Red... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (22 hours old)

God, it’s hot. At 6am this morning it was 24C and today the fire service has issued their Catastrophic – or Code Red, as they’re calling it – warning for this area, with the temp here expected to peak… more

Catastrophic... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (1 day old)

Everywhere outside the cities in Australia there are bushfire roadside warning signs, usually with a pointer on them that tells you on any particular day the warning level - low, medium or high. Now t… more

Mr Wolf, and the bitch... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (10 days old)

I’m chuntering on with Mr Wolf. I have to get it finished, that’s completely finished, by December 18 because the nippers break up from school then for their summer holidays and really I’ll get no wor… more

Jerome and the jets... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (11 days old)

Every morning the silence is disturbed by the roar of jet engines as what the locals call ‘the post run’ comes over the mountain and heads for the RAAF base in the valley. From our house you can look … more

We're upside down... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (14 days old)

In Australia there are only three driving speeds – Go, Stop, and On Your Roof.Honestly, more people get injured in car accidents per capita here than anywhere else in the world, well except for Afghan… more

Hot stuff... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (18 days old)

Just a quick one before I take Six to school. They reckon it’s going to hit 40C today so it’s going to be a hot one.The Melbourne Cup is on this afternoon. Melbournites have a day’s holiday so the wom… more

Wish you were beer... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (24 days old)

Back a few years ago Don and I got together and came up with a book idea called Wish You Were Beer. The concept was we’d travel around the world reporting on the world’s foaming ales. This lavishly pr… more

Gentlemen, please start your engines... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (41 days old)

This weekend just outside a town called Bathurst about three hours drive north west of Sydney they are holding the annual Bathurst 1000, a 1000-kilometre (620 miles) touring car race held annually at … more

Chew on that... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (41 days old)

Five miles, down the mountainside in the fetid sink of a trapped valley where it gets hot as sin and no breeze stirs, there is a town.If you were to travel through a time warp, perhaps be sucked throu… more

You just can't trust them... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (53 days old)

Monday: AFL training for Six. Sit on benches in the late afternoon sun with the mothers as children run around screaming for an hour. Mothers talk amongst themselves, asking why they are all so fat wh… more

Lord above... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (84 days old)

I don’t know if you’ve seen it yet but a bunch of enterprising aetheists in the US (where else...?) have launched a pet rescue service for Evangelical christians. The idea is when the end of the world… more

I was being sarcastic... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (91 days old)

I can hardly believe it but it’s almost a year since we moved here to the mountains. At first the nippers didn’t like it much – there was too much grass, trees and fresh air and not enough hustle and … more

Don't kick my ball... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (94 days old)

At Six’s school they’re always trying to entice the kids to get involved in sports stuff and this last week they started running an AFL training session after school. Aussie Rules, as AFL is colloquia… more

Party, party... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (95 days old)

Sunday was 29C, can you believe, and we’ve still got two weeks before winter ends and spring begins. Truly the weather is bonkers, but in Sydney at least, beautiful.Anyway, it was a super day to go to… more

Is that the end... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (101 days old)

Most evenings I let the nippers watch The Simpsons at six. I love that program because as we know it plays on different levels, and the youngsters just like the slapstick of it (and they keep quiet wh… more

Did I shock you... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (102 days old)

You know that Chinese bloke on Inspector Clouseau? I think his name’s Cato. He’s got this arrangement with Clouseau that he surprises him at inopportune moments and launches into some martial arts mul… more

I waved five times... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (121 days old)

I’ve been a bit quiet lately because it’s been a bit noisy. I’ve been trying to stop Six and Three from inflicting grevious wounds on each other while playing with toy fire engines, sticks, swords, or… more

Oh come on... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (141 days old)

There are some really silly Ads on TV here at the moment. When I say silly I don’t mean amusing, I just mean real stupid. One is a government jobby where a child is shown shouting at her doll. The ide… more

Doctor, doctor... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (142 days old)

I took Three to the doctor’s yesterday to get his sickness looked at because it seems to be because he’s really congested. Not that that stops him running around like a dervish, as they say, but still… more

The young ones... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (143 days old)

I was all set today, with Six in school and Three at pre-school, to spend the day working on Mr Wolf, which I have almost finished, praise the Lord! But then I awoke this morning to the melodic sound … more

Oh yeah... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (148 days old)

So, the latest on the Bosch dishwasher is that the extended warranty people sent an email to Three Weeks (because he is the only Bosch person in the area) telling him to give me a call to arrange to f… more

Fat chance... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (149 days old)

I don’t know if you saw the story last week out of Tokyo but it seems a study has shown fat people live longer than thin and healthy people. To be honest I’ve not got much time for research like this.… more

No, I can't... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (150 days old)

I’ve been trying to think of someone, anyone really, who I’ve come across in the past six months who has any idea what the fuck they are doing. I discovered this morning that the Bosch dishwasher whic… more

Are they here yet... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (151 days old)

So, I got to see Simon & Garfunkel on Saturday. Well, actually I barely got to see them...let me explain. As some of you will recall, I bought a ticket at the ridiculously high price of almost $40… more

Ah, that's what they're for... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (155 days old)

U.S. government-to-government arms sales are growing fast.Arms sales were at a "pretty unprecendented level" after averaging $8 billion to $13 billion per year in the early 2000s, Vice Admiral Jeffrey… more

Sometimes you wonder... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (156 days old)

Here’s the thing – I ordered Six’s winter school uniform and it didn’t turn up because the woman who does it (I use the phrase in its losest sense...) put me in the wrong ledger, whatever that means, … more

Brrrr... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (162 days old)

It’s been really cold here the last two days, though you’ll laugh when I tell you it’s 15C in the day and about 2C at night, and it’s sunny.Yes, I know it looks like I’ve gone all lily-livered and yea… more

Mad cow disease... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (164 days old)

I just got these from a good friend in Melbourne (currently swine flu capital of Australia, but of course I’m reading nothing into that). You might have seen some of them before but there’s some excel… more

Hazy shade of winter... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (169 days old)

The fire is still warm. Embers whirl when I open its door. Schoolgirls, laughing, appear out of the fog like drunken soldiers. One has a short skirt, bare midriff; a thick woollen scarf keeps her neck… more

It's never black and white... From TheBozzer in Real Tart (175 days old)

After businessman Sol Trujillo came out and called Australia racist and backward there’s been a predictable response from people here. The Victorian Premier, Cyril Brumby, or whatever his name is, sai… more