On Monday Ewa Sowinska said they were gay and I don’t mean deliriously happy or in a fine frame of mind. She reckoned, I imagine, they were shagging each other, though I confess I have never seen this, and I have sat through many hours of Teletubbies.

I can’t see how they would have had the time, to be honest, what with preparing all the Tubby Toast, going out on their scooters, making Tubby Custard, looking for Po’s hat and jumping in and out of puddles because they're there.

Me? Yes I have always suspected them, of being actors inside furry costumes designed by the British to make money, and oh yes, I suspect they also keep your kids quiet during the day because they are four furry creatures with aerials on their heads and TVs in their plump bellies.  

Now, apparently, the Polish child rights ombudsman says she no longer suspects The Teletubbies of promoting homosexuality.
I’ll tell the one and a half year old, he’ll be so relieved.

I mean, the woman is either really underworked or just bonkers. Well, she is from the far-right, ultra-Catholic League of Polish Families (LPR), which says a lot.

Can you believe, she’d originally said she was planning to gather a group of experts to investigate The Teletubbies!

Now, I know that Tinky Winky carries a handbag, but really...

"I have heard that this could be a hidden homosexual insinuation," said Sowinska in an interview published on Monday in the weekly magazine Wprost.

She’s not the only one to cast aspirations on The Purple One (as Tinky Winky is sometimes referred to in my house). When the show was first broadcast in the US, the late Christian campaigner Jerry Falwell also took exception to Tinky Winky's handbag.

Tinky Winky was "modelling the gay lifestyle", Falwell charged in 1999, unintentionally sparking a rush for Teletubby merchandise on America's gay scene.