The bloke next door is deaf and he's only a young man but I believe it happened because he drives a digger at a building site and he's been doing it for years and presumably never wore ear muffs or anything to protect his ears. Anyway, he sports two hearing aids, one in each ear, and if he remembers to turn them on (presumably he has them off when he's at the controls of the digger...) he can hear you.
I mention this because yesterday afternoon I was barbequing some sausages (just getting some practice in during an idle moment or two) and his gardener turns up - yes, I know, some people have more money than sense. The gardener is known as Rogue on account of the fact that a friend of mine once spotted a big piece of lawn he'd missed but presumably charged for and said, "You know, that bloke is a rogue."
So, Rogue comes around and has all his gear with him which is basically anything petrol-driven that can produce as many decibels as the space shuttle during blast-off and he comes down Deaf-Man's driveway with the mower going full pelt (lord knows why because the driveway is cement...). Deaf-Man is loading some sticks into a bin and Rogue has his bright orange ear muffs on.
I'm casting an eye over the fence as the snags cook and Rogue's Caltex Vortex powered lawnmower screams at his feet, and continues to scream, as Rogue stops and decides to have a shouted conversation with the man who cannot hear. I just couldn't believe it. It went like this:
"Mate."
"Whaddya say, mate?"
"What?"
"Yeah, mate."
"Hey mate."
"Yeah, mate, speak up."
"Mate, speak up, there."
"You know...mate, can ya hear me?"
"You know, mate, ya gonna hafta speak up mate. Can't hear ya. Deaf."
"What? You deaf, or what?"
After a bit more of this they just looked at each other and then both shrugged and went about their business.
Deaf-Man looked at me over the fence and I thought, oh no please God, no. And over the roar of Rogue's mower which by now was criss-crossing the lawn, he shouted to me, "Mate, how's it going over there?"
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28/05/07 @ 10:33