I once worked for a dysfunctional family-owned company who decided to put their nephew in charge. The nephew drank alcohol like his life depended on it, fancied himself as a ladies man, a salesman (which, sadly for the company, he wasn’t), and he reckoned he could party Paris Hilton under the table any day of the week, which was probably true.
On a business trip to Brisbane he took the new salesman out on the town and ended up roaming the streets singing and sucking the life out of bottles of FourX until the police arrived and told them it was illegal to drink alcohol on the streets. “We don’t fuckin’ care,” bleared the nephew, whose name was Kent, “we’re from Sydney.” And then he ran off up the road, with a copper in hot pursuit.
The young salesman spent the night banged up in a cell while Kent, powered by booze, somehow managed to evade capture and slept it off in a park.
During the night someone took his mobile phone and wallet and by all accounts had a right old time spending the loot, maxing up his credit cards and phoning all the relatives they could find worldwide.
One time I went with him to a conference in Hong Kong and he insisted on going to what he called the Titty Bar. I said, “I thought you’d never been to Hong Kong before?” He leered at me, “Mate, they have a Titty Bar everywhere.” Needless to say I made my excuses and retired for the night.
In the morning he staggered into the restaurant for breakfast, stood swaying, sweating in the doorway, hair spikey on his head, bloodshot eyes staring around the room as if he wondered not only how he’d got there, but who he was.
We were there for a week, and one other night we went out for a meal in a dodgy part of the city (“much more fun down here, skipper,” he told me, but not looking at me as he leered at passing Chinese girls) and he put his new credit card behind the bar, much to the amusement of the locals who, it later turned out, bought a new engine for a Hong Kong harbour junk by using his copious credit.
In fact, I think before we left the establishment they were bolting it in.
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