...well, it will be. But let me explain...
I've been off the radar again because I've just been so damned busy. In fact, I'm still so busy I have barely got time to write these words but I am reading a book at the same time and dictating a feature article to my lissom assistant. They call it multi-tasking though I've also heard it referred to as 'making a dog's dinner".
Anyhow, here's what's been happening.

Right then, I must concentrate on a suitable crime...wish me luck.

I was talking to a friend just now on the phone about crap films.
I'm not talking about stuff like the BBC's I Claudius where they forgot that the quartz wristwatch hadn't been invented (one of the main characters was sporting one for most of an episode) or that the Morris Minor hadn't quite surpassed the Roman chariot (a maroon Minor sailed by on a road above the set during a discussion about Rome's army in Crete), no I'm talking mostly about those ones with mega-buck budgets where they really should know what they're doing.

Meanwhile, there's another chapter of GONE up and ready for you to read. Here's the link: http://kingcoultas.blog.co.uk/

...for five days now as I attempt to shed some pounds, get the body back to that temple it once was (no madam, I don't mean the temple of doom) and generally get me fit (yes I know that's not proper English but some of my readers are American and I feel I should cater for them too - I am an equal opportunity person, you understand.)
Talking of Gordon Ramsay and his dreadful show Hell's Kitchen which has just started screening here, I've only got one thing to say to GR -  in language he'll understand - what the fuck were you thinking?
Now I'm all for him going to failing restaurants and telling their owners, who are already down on their luck, "that meal was like a kick in the bollocks", because I admire people who can use English with such dexterity, but this American foray is simply, well, bollocks - pardon my Ramsay.
I mean, it's so patently stage-managed, he's so clearly working to a formula set up by a production team of vegans in California who wouldn't know sage and onion stuffing if it was used on them and who haven't a clue about what it means to have a decent meal (I mean one that is cooked and contains a bit of fat), that GR should be ashamed to be part of it. Talk about doing it for the money.
Meanwhile, in the real world, there's another chapter of GONE up and ready for you to read. Here's the link: http://kingcoultas.blog.co.uk/

Cheerio.

Yes, the annual Spirit, Mind & Body expo is on in Sydney at the moment. They've been advertising it lavishly, which strikes me as a waste of money because if you're tuned into the cosmos surely you'll just get the message through the ether?
Anyway, I haven't got time to pop down there so I'm planning to spend this afternoon sitting cross-legged on the persian (no madam, not the girl from Iran I was rumoured to be seeing, I mean the rug) in an effort to get down there in mind rather than body and see what they have to offer.
Meanwhile, there's another chapter of GONE up and ready for you to read. Here's the link: http://kingcoultas.blog.co.uk/

...we're off to the park to play some football, or soccer as they still like to call it here. If you ask me they've got it all mixed up when it comes to ball games. Down-Under we have rugby league and rugby union, both of which are referred to as footy, and then there's a most bizarre game called Australian Rules which is a cross between la-crosse, quoits, a pub game called Tip-The-Bloke-On-His-Arse, and rugby. You know you're watching it when you see blokes wearing shorts of a certain tightness which came and went with the hot pant (around 1972 for you folks who weren't even a twinkle in someone's eye then). Their hairstyles too are reminiscent of a time long gone, I think they called it the neolithic era, though after the game apparently they sink around 30 bottles of beer each, which truly is something to admire.
Now, the weather here is most bizarre; it rained for 40 days and 40 nights and then it got warm for half an hour and now it's very cold indeed, well about 18 degreesC which is chilly for this part of the world, but at least it's sunny.
Okay, got to squeeze into those shorts and throw ball as our American cousins say, only, er, I won't be throwing it, I'll be kicking it.
Now, GONE is back. Latest instalment is here: http://kingcoultas.blog.co.uk/

Well, it's only me, actually, but a headline with either God, the devil or a bloke in Tunbridge Wells who used to have a game show on TV but has been caught with a bloke from down The Farmer's Arms usually gets people hooked, so here I am once again.
Yes, I know I have been a bit fits-and-starts lately but that's life at the moment. Firstly I've had loads of work on, which is always good, well, if you have time to do it of course. Media training, writing articles for magazines and newspapers, writing my thriller and looking after Five and Two, the former being on holiday for two weeks (which is like sending me off to war, let me tell you).
We've done a few things despite the 17 days of solid rain (no it doesn't always shine with God's own sun in this neck of the outback) including going to the zoo ("I want to touch the la-la bear," said Two when he saw the koalas), off to the Australian Museum to see the new dinosaur exhibition, entertaining desperate women (I mean those who also have kids and nothing to do in the rain) and watching kids' TV programs. Last night Five watched the final episode of Robin Hood in which Guy of Gisborne (or Guy Gisborne as he insists on calling him, Five's not yet familiar with landed titles) stabs Maid Marian to death with a sword after she told him she only loved Robin Hood. Five said, "why did she say that?" I said, "Because she only loved Robin Hood." "Yes, I know," said Five, "but if she'd said, 'I love Robin Hood but I love you too, Guy Gisborne' he wouldn't have killed her." Good boy. A quick search of our family history back to 1066 confirms that none of the blokes on the paternal side of the family has ever gone to war - they always had something better to do like looking after the pigs or heading diplomatic talks, which some may consider very similar - so it seems he will follow in our footsteps.
Okay, enough for now; I will endeavour to post everyday and keep you informed on developments.

I know, it's been a while. My only excuse is I've been running with the Olympic Torch. Yes, it's been me dodging all those demonstrators. I know it looks like different people are being jostled by those short  folks from Tibet but all I can say is I've been heavily made-up for each running session. I've become quite friendly with Lu Chow, Wang Shi and Chou Pastri, those chaps from China who are usually more at home giving protestors a cattle prod or two in Wangzni Province but who are now resplendant in their Olympic running gear. Pastri even let me hold his pistol the other night - it's bigger than it looks.
Talking of guns, I know I haven't mentioned the demise of Charlton Heston, the actor who liked to shoot and once said he'd only hand the weapon over if it was forcibly taken from his, "cold dead hand". I imagine God asked for it at the gate.
Anyhow, can't stay long, must dash. Honestly, this torch caper is a really inexpensive way to see the world, but you do have to run everywhere.
Now, GONE is back too. Latest instalment is here: http://kingcoultas.blog.co.uk/

I know I've mentioned the Aussie true crime drama Underbelly before, but it was on again last night and I have to tell you it is just the best TV. You must try and see it if you can - I'm sure it can be downloaded from somewhere (Channel Nine are showing it here).  But how on earth they are allowed to show it I just don't know - several of the 'characters' are in the news now, Tony Mokbel is being extradited from Greece and the fittest female lawyer you ever saw is fighting to get her right to practise law back after sleeping with murderers and and, how shall we say, bending the rules a little...Both of these characters feature in Underbelly every week - the Ferrari driving Mokbel famously referred to as, "you're the man controlling 50percent of the amphetamine market in Melbourne". Now, how could, he get a fair trial?
Anyhow, it's such good viewing and you can't help but shake your head at it all. The Victorian Tourist Board or whatever they are called must be shaking their heads too - hardly makes you want to visit Melbourne, let me tell you. On that subject, Bondi Rescue is also on at the moment and well worth a watch if it comes your way. Bondi is just a beach but here it has iconic status and I think it's a World Heritage site now. But jeez, is it dangerous. In the summer,  around 80 people a day have to be rescued. Next beach up is Tamarama, which is even more treacherous. 
So, yes, it can be dangerous in Sydney as well as in Melbourne, but I suppose at least the beach can't come and shoot you in the street, your favourite restaurant or your bed at night...

Meanwhile, here's the link for those of you who are following GONE. 
http://kingcoultas.blog.co.uk/

...it is today - I reckon it'll be around 28C later on with a bit of a breeze - and I'm off to the city with Two while Five wields a paintbrush at pre-school and learns another Jesus song. I'm wondering what will happen because he will expect to see the big J, him having risen from the dead and apparently in amongst us all again, or so the nippers have been told by their teachers.

Meanwhile, here's a true story; it's the link for those of you who are following GONE. 
http://kingcoultas.blog.co.uk/

After his four month holiday in Italy, George came back with plans to start his own business. Not having had any experience other than running a fruit and veg shop he not unnaturally thought he could suddenly become a multi-national businessman earning millions a week. Since he returned - and that would be six months ago now - he'd not come up with anything other than opening a larger fruit and veg shop, plus some vague internet-based ideas ("have you seen how much that bloke at Facebook is worth?" he would say).
Anyway, last night he came to pick me up so we could go out and have a quick drink.
"Do you want to drive?" he said as we walked up the driveway in the darkness.
"No, you're alright," I said, "I've driven a flatbed fruit and veg truck a few times before."
But there gleaming under the single streetlight was a flash motor.
"It's a Merc," he said swaggeringly as he blipped the key ring which set the horn off. "Whoa, got the wrong button," he said as he jabbed it again and I saw the driver's seat moving backwards and slowly out of sight as it folded down flat..
To be precise it's a C-class 240, many of which I have driven before in my past life as a motoring journalist. I don't mind Mercs but I'm not German, we don't have autobahns and it's only a car.
It turns out George has been offered a job by his cousin (no interview process there, apparently) who is a badly dressed 28 year old who happens to have squillions of dollars. Actually, his father has squillions but he hands them over to the son who has a string of business ventures which are going nowhere.
George, it seems is now in charge of the real estate arm of the business.
"We haven't sold a place for 12 months," said George gloomily, "but I'm going to put processes in place and soon we'll be motoring. "
Quite how implementing MYOB will cause a sudden upsurge in interest is beyond me, but then I'm no businessman. 

Meanwhile, here's the link for those of you who are following the story in GONE
http://kingcoultas.blog.co.uk/